It’s been years of me holding threads together.
Supporting people.
Carrying weight.
Making sure things don’t fall apart.
Family.
Teams.
The environments I’m part of.
With every life I try to support, the load becomes heavier.
And somehow, I naturally became the “support” role in almost every space I enter.
I’m the POS 5.
The one making sure everyone else functions properly.
The one adjusting.
The one stabilizing.
The one carrying.
And honestly, I do love this role.
Because to me, leadership has never been about authority or dictation.
It has always been about servanthood.
About helping people flourish.
About creating stability for others.
And seeing the people around me grow genuinely brings me joy.
It replenishes me in a way.
But lately, I can feel the weight increasing.
The responsibilities.
The emotional load.
The expectations.
The constant need to stay strong for everyone else.
And as the days go by, it feels heavier and heavier to carry.
Part of me believes this is God’s way of strengthening me.
Teaching me endurance.
Teaching me surrender.
Teaching me how to continually lift my burdens back to Him instead of trying to carry everything through my own strength.
But if I’m being honest, I think there’s another truth hidden underneath all of this:
I wish there was another human being I could fully lean on too.
Someone who could hold me the same way I try to hold others.
I thought that maybe having a partner would ease some of this weight.
But more often than not, it still feels like I am carrying things alone internally.
And maybe that’s the part that hurts the most.
Not the responsibility itself—
but the loneliness that can come with constantly being the strong one.
The stable one.
The dependable one.
I don’t know if this writing is a realization, a prayer, or a quiet cry for help.
Maybe all three.
Because right now, I feel like I’ve been holding onto ropes for so long that they’re starting to burn my hands.
And honestly, I’m scared that one day the pain might become too much and I’ll accidentally let go.
Maybe this is me asking God for someone I can truly rest beside.
Someone safe enough to help me carry life too.