My relationships with people have been going through some cracks lately, and I’ve started noticing a pattern.
This usually happens whenever I become too focused on my own needs.
My goals.
My dreams.
My aspirations.
Whenever my attention turns inward for too long, life starts pushing back against me.
It feels like resistance.
Always.
It’s as if the world keeps calling me outward—asking me to stretch myself further toward the people around me, the people I love and treasure.
There is this constant external pull asking me to look beyond myself.
And lately, I feel like these outward calls are teaching me something deeper:
To release my obsession with preserving my own desires and instead fulfill the needs of the people around me while trusting God to take care of mine.
In the past few days, I’ve honestly just felt sad.
Low-key depressed.
It was my birthday week, yet demands from every direction kept pouring in.
Family.
Relationships.
Responsibilities.
People needing support.
People needing my presence.
And I could feel myself slowly draining in the process.
My first instinct was self-preservation.
Protect my energy.
Protect my dreams.
Protect my inner world.
But strangely, the more I tried to hold tightly onto myself, the worse things became.
It genuinely felt like God was trying to redirect me elsewhere.
Like He was trying to say something through all of this.
And I could see it clearly:
Whenever I became too stubborn in prioritizing only myself, the needs of the people around me went unmet, and everything around me became more unstable.
This season is teaching me how to trust God more deeply.
To trust that He will sustain me as I continue extending myself toward others.
To trust that I am simply a chess piece in His greater design.
And to trust that wherever He is leading me ultimately ends in fulfillment, wisdom, and peace.
Right now, I have a lot on my plate.
I feel weak.
But maybe that weakness itself is part of the lesson.
Maybe God is teaching me to stop relying entirely on my own strength, perspective, and plans.
Maybe there is wisdom hidden inside surrender.
Wisdom I would never discover if I insisted on navigating life only through my own sight.
Things feel unstable lately because I am slowly relinquishing control.
And maybe that instability is necessary.
My natural tendency has always been calm control, slow growth, and careful structure.
But perhaps I am entering a completely different season now:
A season of reawakening.
Liberation.
Expansion.
Disruption.
Not destruction.
Transformation.
Maybe this is the first masterclass lesson in becoming the person God actually wants me to become.
And maybe the vision I currently have for my life is not the ceiling.
Maybe it is only a waypoint.
Right now, I still don’t fully know whether God is asking me to completely let go of my perceived limits or simply learn how to balance everything properly.
But either way, I am trying to lean toward trust.
Even if I temporarily feel like I am losing parts of myself in the process, I trust that God is capable of putting all the pieces back together again.
And maybe there is still an integrated way of doing all of this.
Maybe there is still balance somewhere within surrender.
Maybe there is still a healthy way to serve deeply without abandoning yourself entirely.
I honestly do not know yet.
But I am willing to follow where this season is trying to lead me.